Emotional! Today has been an extremely emotional day! I know my days of being independent and doing whatever I need or want to do is coming to an end. My time with my husband and me will no longer be the same! I have been married to Matt for almost 8 years and it has only been us. I am trying to say goodbye to the old me these next few days. I have noticed myself wanting to spend every last second with my husband and not do anything, but be with each other. I have been crying most of the day at work because I know things will never be the same. I did not realize the emotions that I would be facing the last week of pregnancy. Most women talk about how excited they are to meet their little one, but today is not that day for me. I want more time with only Matt and me. I am sure this phase will be short lived once I meet Luke, but for now I need to have an emotional breakdown. I am 38 weeks and 3 days. The days seem to last forever lately. I am usually one that loves and embraces change, but today is not that day. I am having more and more contractions throughout the day and Matt and I are going to talk with my doctor about being induced next week so Matt will have more time with Luke before he has to head back to Kalamazoo, MI. I am not wanting to be induced so I keep walking and working out to try to start something. These next few blogs will probably be more emotional than usual because it will be pre-mom me and saying “goodbye” to old Mallory.
I was very emotional before marrying Matt as well because I had to say “goodbye” to my mom and dad. I think it is a coping mechanism for me. I am excited for my next adventure, but I have no idea what to expect. Even though I am having an emotional breakdown today I also am more content and feel more in tune with who I am and what I am about to learn about myself. I have a lot of self-doubt and fear of failing as a mom. I have had many words of encouragement this week from great friends and I am so grateful for all moms who have been there and are going through pregnancy, baby blues, and struggles, and rewards. I have found moms to be such great encouragers and supporters to other moms and I hope I will be able to help others who struggle emotionally with letting pre-mom go.
I wrote this part of my heart in this blog because I want to read it someday and be so grateful that God gave me the opportunity to be a mom to Luke Ryan Lawson. I want to look back and realize how amazing God’s plan is for myself and for my family.
I am so happy I have gotten to carry you in my belly for 9 months. I am excited/nervous to meet you. I know you are going to bring so much joy to your dad and me along with all your grandparents, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and friends. You are going to change our world and am looking forward to the love, laughs, tears, and chaos you will bring. We love you so much!