I am pretty discouraged this morning! After my doctor appointment yesterday I was hoping for really good news to deliver Luke soon, but instead I found out that Luke has been wanting to come out, but my body is not ready yet. I haven’t dilated any further from 38 weeks and my cervix is tilted backwards. I will have an ultra sound on August 2 to make sure he is doing alright. I am praying that my body will adjust and go into labor on its own. The doctor told me she will not deliver me until 41 weeks if my body does not change. I know the body can do amazing things and it can be ready to deliver any day. I was so disappointed yesterday and feeling sorry for myself. I know God’s timing is perfect timing.
Plus I got so mad at Matt because he said it’s not that big of a deal to wait. I said have you been carrying a baby around in your belly for 10 months? No. Just hug me and tell me you love me. I guess I need to get to the gym and try to get this baby out.
On the bright side it’s more time I get to spend with Matt and I and I will always cherish those moments. We have been able to look through thousands of pictures and put them in picture frames and photo albums. We have had a fun time looking back through time at each other. Great memories with some grandparents, stylish clothes, and comparing who was more athletic growing up. We are so childish, but it makes for some good laughs.
Personal: I was so upset about my body not being ready because I had only gained 28 pounds thus far, no stretch marks that I can tell or see, and all in all a pretty easy pregnancy. This is my controlling, Type A personality coming out and it’s not pretty. I want things to happen, when I want them. I have now started worrying about things out of my control. My mind is getting weak and my patience is growing low. I have been praying my entire pregnancy to deliver Luke when the time is right and I will trust whatever happens. Obviously, my faith is small because I think I know better. I have grown frustrated and impatient instead of letting God run my life. So many lessons in life and I still think I have control.
I will wait, hopefully patiently and continue to trust that God’s timing is the perfect timing! I’m human and I will struggle daily, but I need to give up my worries and control.