I do not like transition periods. Things are changing in my life daily and I am struggling big time. When I say “things” I mean friendships, passions, and priorities. I have a goal-oriented vision, but have been at a loss for what my passion/purpose is. CrossFit has been my passion for the past 4 years and it consumed me. I still love it, but want a deeper more fulfilling purpose! I understand my baby is going to be my purpose and love, but I know in my gut God wants me to do and be more! I cannot pinpoint what it is, yet. I have been brainstorming ideas for months, but nothing is sticking. One thing is for certain I love people and need relationships. I am not great at relationships. I want to be, but struggle with allowing others completely in my life. Shallow relationships are everywhere, and I m great at those. I want a friendship where I can show up at their house or them at mine and have no set plans and be welcomed no matter the circumstance. Pregnancy is a vulnerability and a humbleness that I have not adapted well to.
I thought pregnancy was having a baby! It’s so much more that that. It’s a vulnerability of strength and weaknesses. I thought I would be strong and able my whole life. I am educated in a lot of nutrition and muscular areas and with pregnancy my bones hurt daily and I cannot control my aches and pains. I have to ask my husband and others for help on a daily basis. Asking for help is not something I do. I like to help others and enjoy being used in that capacity. My husband leaves in one month to live in Kalamazoo, MI until August 15 and any other year, no big deal, but this year I am scared. I am independent and can take care of most anything by myself. This pregnancy makes me nervous because mowing the lawn was never an issue now I know it will be an issue. Putting on socks and shoes a task so simple is going to be nearly impossible. I know God always provides, but I am still fearful of the unknown.
My body hurts and is extremely painful to walk currently. I’m hoping a chiropractor can help my round ligament pain. I can walk, but very very slowly. I have much more compassion for those who move slower, they cannot help it.
My volleyball team threw me a baby shower today and it was so nice to spend time with my girls. I have been overwhelmed by kindness and generosity. God has taught me a lot through others, when it comes to friendship. Blogging and those who read this are learning my heart along with me. I have never been a writer of my thoughts on paper or anywhere for that matter. I get nervous and anxious with every submission because it’s such a personal matter to me. My heart is for the whole world to see. I am looking forward to changes. The transition period for me is difficult, but cannot wait to see how God directs/guide my family.