1. Benefiting Mallory Lawsons blog
  2. Baby Lawson
  3. My first post
  4. Lawson Blog 01-12-16
  5. Lawson pregnancy blog 01/13/2016
  6. Lawson Blog 01-14-2016 Wodapalooza Bound
  7. Video Blog 1.15.16 Wodapalozza Day 1
  8. Saturday 1/16
  9. Sunday 1/17 Closing up Wodapalozza
  10. 1/21/2016
  11. 1/22/16-1/23/2016 Saltines
  12. 1-24-2016 Gingerale and Pregnancy
  13. 1/25/2016 Feeling better and able to workout!
  14. 1-26-2016 Tacos and Fried Ice Cream
  15. 1-27-2016 Feeling great!
  16. 1/29/2016 Competition day at CrossFit Provision
  17. 02-01-2016
  18. 2-4-2016 14- week check-up was fantastic.
  19. 02-08-2016 I felt the baby kick today!
  20. 02-11-2016
  21. 02-15-2016 Mallory
  22. 02-16-2016
  23. 02-17-2016
  24. 02-18-2016
  25. 2-19-2016
  26. 02-23-2016 Struggling with body image issues
  27. 02-25-2016 Words of encouragement and unbelievable stories
  28. 03-01-2016
  29. 03-04-2016
  30. 03-07-2016
  31. 03-09-2016
  32. 03-14-2016
  33. 03-15-2016
  34. Mallory Lawson breaks down 2 movements she uses as modifications to burpees and the snatch
  35. Mallory Lawson video blog 3.17.16
  36. Baby Lawson lands on The Games instagram
  37. Tomorrow is the big day! 03-22-2016
  38. It’s a BOY!
  39. “Luke’s room”
  40. 03/25-28/2016
  41. 03-30-2016
  42. Pregnancy brain
  43. Fashion in maternity clothes
  44. WOD pregnancy scare last night
  45. 3.11.16 Video
  46. 04-12-2016
  47. 04-14-2016
  48. Recent Travels (Video)
  49. 04-24-2016 Vulnerability
  50. 04-26-2016
  51. 04-27-2016
  52. 05-02-2016
  53. 05-03-2016
  54. Another good day!
  55. 05-06-2016
  56. 05-09-2016
  57. 05-10-2016
  58. DEDICATION TO MY DAD
  59. 05-17-2016
  60. 30 Weeks!
  61. Braxton Hicks
  62. 32 Weeks!
  63. 06-13-2016
  64. 06-17-2016
  65. 06-20-2016
  66. 06-24-2016
  67. 06-28-2016
  68. 37 weeks!
  69. 07-14-2016
  70. 07-18-2016
  71. 07-20-2016
  72. 07-21-2016
  73. Emotional!
  74. Contractions are coming in hot today!
  75. 39 weeks!
  76. 07-27-2016
  77. 08-01-2016
  78. 08-04-2016
  79. Luke

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17 Weeks today! For the past three days I have been on emotional lock down. I have been struggling with body image issues and it’s beyond pregnancy. To many this is going to seem selfish and disgusting, but to me it’s an issue I have faced since college.

 

 

 

 

 

For starters my sophomore year in college I was at Creighton University where I began counseling for a learning disability as well as an early onset eating disorder. I was diagnosed with “disorder eating,” which is the step right before anorexia. It’s a mind battle and a struggle I dealt with for years. I was not the only one affected. My mom was also affected. She had to travel to Omaha, NE from Joplin, MO on weekends to make sure I was eating. I was a muscular 145 pounds when I was playing volleyball and when I had to have a career ending knee surgery I decided I needed to get, “skinny.” I began dieting unhealthily. I would allow myself one slice of bread and chicken broth in the morning and water throughout the day. This was my routine for 3 months. My roommate noticed I was sleeping all day every day and losing a tremendous amount of weight. After 3 months I weighed in at 115 pounds and had lost all my muscles. I got help and moved home for the summer of my sophomore year and transferred to Missouri State University. I got healthy and my mind right with the help of my parents and counselors. I am now 30 years old and haven’t struggled with weight since CrossFit because I loved how strong I became and how I looked. I truthfully didn’t think I still had a problem with food or eating.

I am 17 weeks pregnant and I am struggling with these thoughts again. Matt noticed me being really angry with him and not talking to him freely like we do at dinner time most evenings. He kept asking me, “What is wrong with me?” He was getting frustrated and angry with me because I was not myself the past three days. I took some time to myself and a break from the conversation and got ready for bed and took a long shower. After I was ready for bed I was ready to confess to Matt my feelings about my body and my insecurity that I haven’t had for a long time. I don’t know why body image is such a big deal to me. I love that I am pregnant and hopefully have a healthy baby at the end of all this, but I am a mess thinking about getting stretch marks and extra fat. I even started changing my eating habits for Matt and myself. That’s not a terrible thing that I am looking up healthier recipes and lowering carbohydrates for the two of us. I do not want food to consume my life like it once had. I have caught my insecurity early and communicated it to Matt so that’s a good start to not let it get the best of me. I’m sorry for feeling this way, but this is me being real. Blogging about this will help me facilitate my feelings during the rest of my pregnancy and hopefully find the root of the problem.

In regards to my battle in the foods and on a more positive note, I have found some healthy recipes that I will be trying out. I tried and succeeded in a good one last night. Spaghetti squash with meatballs in a crockpot. Tonight I am making Teriyaki Chicken in Pineapple bowls. I love to cook, but have been stuck cooking the same stuff for the past year because it fit in my nutrition plan. I cannot workout as much or as hard, so I need to lower the carbohydrate and fat content, but still want to enjoy my food.

Some other good news is I found a friend who has had 2 children. She is wanting to get back in shape so we are working out together daily at Evangel. I don’t feel the need to compete with her, but just stay moving and help her along with her fitness journey. This is going to be an addition I needed in my life.

 

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